Nice Guys Finish Last: The Science Behind It

Posted on: 26 August 2016


Nice guys finishing last is a notion that has bothered many for years. A lot of people expect that when someone does good, he or she should be rewarded with good. But that is not usually the case when it comes to relationships. So why do nice guys finish last in relationships? Why do they invest so much and receive so little in return? And why are they always overlooked by their opposite sexes? You will never find the real answers unless you approach the questions from a psychological point of view.

The Problem With Being Nice

The term nice is seen as a symbol for kindness, warmth, conscientiousness, and respect. When it comes to relationships, though, nice can be seen as a symbol for boring, weak, needy, predictable, unattractive, and inexperienced. This contradicts what the opposite sex is looking for and that is why people tend to fall for people who have the opposite traits, people who also happen to be the bad guys.

Consequences Of Being Nice

According to research, a man has to bear some consequences for being nice. The price a man pays for being needy, predictable, weak, etc. (in the eyes of the woman) is that despite his enormous efforts in satisfying the woman, the relationship may not last for long even after the woman agrees to a relationship. In the short run, women tend to go for a class of men known as 'cads' or the bad guys. These men are socially dominant, narcissistic, manipulative, unfaithful, and physically attractive. Women fall for these types of men in the short run because women choose physical attraction over kindness.

The good news is that nice can actually mean a different thing to a partner who is need of a stable, long term relationship; if a woman wants to spend the rest of her life with a man, then characteristics like warmth, respect, loyalty, and stability may come in handy. In other words, a woman cares more about these traits than physical attraction in the long run.

The Way Forward For The Nice Guy

That much depends on what the woman you are interested in is looking for. If she doesn't seem like she wants to settle, then you better blend in the bad traits and control some of your good traits. You cannot be too eager to please such type of a woman, nor can you be too needy or overly-available. But do not change your ways completely; you just want the opposite sex to invest in you as much as you invest in her. Psychological studies show that if you invest too much of your time, money and effort in a woman, she may not reciprocate the kindness. In fact, the woman may feel burdened or manipulated. That is why you must regulate your investments so as to give the woman some space to invest in you.

If, however, a woman is looking for a lasting relationship, then don't change anything; you are in the right lane, just keep going. If this doesn't make sense, consider seeing a relationship counselor.